Decisions.....Decisions

What do I do now?

So here is the last day of the year. I said I would take time off for the remainder of the year after I left PHS. It has been quite nice. I have mulled over a few things that I might do. For this post, I am just going to list them so I can visually attached a desire to one or more of them. This isn't a bucket list but more of a "what TO DO" list. They are listed as I think of them and not in priority.

1. Look for a nursing job since I now have my Florida license. I am a nurse and it would an interest me to see how much nurses make here in the South. I remember what I made back in 1997 when I left Georgia, so it would be interesting to compare.
2. Volunteer as a nurse at a local hospital, races, etc. Maybe I could be of service.
3. Consult as an Analyst. Not sure if this is something I need to do. It would be interesting but it would also take me away from my love for 4-5 days a week. I have already had an interview with one company and will see what the offer is. Who knows...maybe the offer would be too good to walk away from. Or they may not even make an offer. 
4. Train for the Ironman I have signed up for. If I don't take a job, then I actually have more time to train. There will be NO excuses. The IM is in November but it would be in my best interest to perform in a few sprints, Olympic size, and maybe even a half IM during my training year. 
5. Be off from work so that I can really take time to visit family, be with my dogs, travel when it is good for Chris and take care of my home. The best lawn girl, pool girl, chef, duster, and more.
6. Play golf, run more, learn to kayak fish, paddle board, snorkel with spear fishing, practice my bow hunting skills, and just spend more time at the beach. 

This is the list so far. Right now, number 2, 4, 5, and 6 look like great options. Feel free to add to my list. 

- Sharie

Why Do I run?

Why do I run?

I finally decided 13 years ago that I was a runner. It was after I ran my first 5k in Alaska. Training consisted of early mornings on the treadmill and an occasional afternoon neighborhood run. At that time I ran 2 miles with each episode. This wasn't the first time I was running. I enjoyed it as a young adult living in rural Georgia. Dirt roads were the common path and it was more about trying it out and not an addiction. Then when I gain a few extra pounds after the birth of my last child, I found it a quick easy way to lose the weight. Never did I study running, form, breathing or did I spend any significant money on gear. I used what I had and we really didn't have extra funds for that kind of thing.

Maybe I was bored 13 years ago. I needed something that made me feel alive. It also gave me a figure that I had never had and in the end I felt beautiful. I gained confidence. Running opened my heart to other outdoor activities. Soon I became a mountain trail hiker attempting some really awesome peaks in the Anchorage bowl as well as other areas we ventured to while fishing or hunting. The feeling I gained from trail runs or hikes just fueled a growing love/addiction to fitness.

I remember once that I was experiencing some chest cold type symptoms. It wasn't serious and didn't really feel like a cold so I went in to have it checked out. The Practitioner ordered a chest xray and a medication similar to what Asthmatics take. It helped but overall just good old fashion rest and hydration is what I believe helped in the end. Several weeks later I received mail from the health care facility the xray was taken at that "if you were recently diagnosed with COPD.....". I was somewhat alarmed so I called my provider. What she said was that the xray was read by the Radiologist and she felt that because my diaphragm flattened on inhale or exhale (not sure which one now), the reader indicated possible COPD. My provider actually called the reader to talk. She explained that I was a runner and didn't smoke and was pretty healthy. So the explanation I received was that sometimes this happens to runners. Mistaken COPD Diagnosis due to flat diaphragms. I made sure it was taken off my health records.

After that first 5k, I really started becoming interested in collecting more bibs. More 5ks until I finally attempted a half. Of course I had to ramp up my mileage. No longer could I just opt for a quick 2 miles. Longer runs came hard and still do but at the end I am always glad I did it. There were also times I would begin a run thinking I could go forever and then just wind up doing 3 or less. Regardless, that first 5k was a moment of clarity that I was needing this as a life activity.

Many moments when I have felt down and unmotivated, there has always been a video, movie, or meeting of someone who has struggled more than myself. So if I have two good legs, two good feet, good shoes, then how could I not run? Especially if someone else wanted to do it so badly. How could I not?

Since 2002, I have ran many 5ks, 10ks, Halves, a few mountain races as well as Sprint and Olympic size triathlons. What is next? Well, a marathon should be next and of course an Ironman. Why not do both? So next November, Chris and I have signed up to complete our first Ironman. As we both begin this journey, keep us in your prayers. Send us your tips and cheers. We welcome them even if we don't follow it.

As Chris states many times on our adventures in physical activities, "here comes the pain train, baby" and "pain don't hurt"!

If there is every a time when you wonder why you do something, Write down your pros and cons. Most of the time, your pros will always win out if it is especially something you love. Stay safe. Stay on left side against traffic on your runs and with traffic on your biking obeying the rules of the road at all times. Run hard, run often, and never spend too much money on gear that doesn't fit well and doesn't make you look absolutely fab.

And most of all, stay healthy!

Rain

I am sad today. Not for myself but for all of us. It is raining this morning so hard and yet it was sunny, warm and clear just a few hours ago.

We all sit here and think about the uncertainty of our next breath. How do I want to breath? I would rather breath with the warmth of the sun on my skin instead of the rain. Even if the rain is cleansing the dirt and oil so that my body can breath better when the sun returns, it still isn't my favorite weather.  And it is so hard to breath with rain drowning your face. Smashing into your eyes. Drawing your hair down on your face. The bones, tendons, and muscles want to compress to stay warm. The expansion is not the same as on a sunny day.

I look at the forecast and know that tomorrow will be a better day but how do I breath today in the earthy tears that fall. Right now I stay inside and breath the dry inside while I watch through the windows of my world to the outside. I turn on my lights to imitate the sun. It helps some but not the same. Every now and then, I open the door and take in the stormy weather outside. The rain touches my fingers.

So today, I will go outside and occasionally breath rain.

During the moist breathing, I keep in mind that this is only a day, an hour, a second. This second of breath, I take note that I am alive and have the opportunity to smile and not be angry.

When I was young, I remember moments where I went to church with my mother and other family members. Those moments didn't stick with me as much as the moments when I went to church with friends. Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed my religious education from my grandmother and the family church. But when I actually went to another church because of invitation or whatever, I think I wanted to see what it is about. I don't ever remember any negatives. The main message I received was love. Yes, some churches were different in appearance and their acceptance was varied but the spiritual love was always apparent.

The moments I am experiencing today are cold and I shutter. The news is always splashing into my face and dripping negatives across my eyes. My body feels the fear as it constricts with the thoughts of what would I do if I were faced with the enemy's terror in my next breath. The claustrophobic thoughts of how wrong a group has gone keeps my thoughts on guard. My weapon no longer resides locked away but always within reach.

I don't ever remember feeling this urgency to be prepared.

So how do I breath in the raining of today world's events? I remember that with this rain, there will be sun again.

Is your world weeping? Mine is. I still smile and know that this is a small moment in time. I hope you can too. Draw in a breath, release it. Smile. Draw in a breath, release it, Smile.

Lifting Leaves

It is interesting to find myself enjoying lifting leaves out of my pool. Who knew that the act of taking a net on a pole, pushing it into the water and skimming leaves would be so relaxing. If I were twenty, I probably would hate it. But at this age, the moments are peaceful.

There is an art to it in case you didn't know. And I am not sure I have yet perfected it. You see, when you have leaves falling in your pool, most of the time they lie on the surface just floating and circling the pool as the filter runs until they reach the skimmer. That is usually the best time to get them out. I hold the net just right on the surface top and allow the leaves to float in as I walk around the pool. Every now and then, I empty the net. In the beginning, I would empty to one spot on the deck and then ultimately trash can them but now I just shake them on the grass. Sooner or later, the lawn mower will pick them up along with all the others that didn't make it to the pool. 

When times passes and the leaves have found their way to the bottom, it then takes a new type of finesse to retrieve the leaves. The former owners left us some old nets, poles, brushes, etc but when I took "pool school", the teacher showed me his fancy beveled net. So with this new net and a little patience, you can coerce the leaves to dance off the bottom and then you circle back and scoop them up. It takes time dependent on amount of leaves. 

Bottom line, I am not saying it is going to always be relaxing but for now I am not dealing with diagnosis codes, customer issues, rules and regulations, or having to think about right dose, right time, right patient, right site, right drug. The stressful thoughts are gone for now allowing me to focus on just removing the leaves on top quickly or the ones that have managed to dive deeper. 

What am I learning? Maybe nothing more than how to keep the pool clean but I think there is more to it if you dive deeper. The easy messes in life can quickly be scooped up and taken away. I don't even have to tidy them up in a neat little can. I can just lift and let go. The harder issues in life may take some diving. Some dancing. Some finesse to scoop out but they too can just be tossed over the edge into the grass for a later mowing. With both, there is an action to be done. 

If I never remove the leaves, yes the filter might take care of some but soon there would not be clear clean water to relax by. 

Hope you find your moment. 

Let's go see Bob

Bob is 95.

The first thing I noticed about Bob is that he has beautiful clear blue eyes. Yes, he is frail, spotted, and has an abundance of gray hair (not sure if real) but his eyes are wonderfully clear baby blue. They match his flannels perfectly. The second thing I noticed is his welcoming smile and his happy to see us wave.

Bob and his friend are there everyday between the hours of 4 and 6 pm sitting in a folding lawn chairs just inside the open garage. The chairs have been there a while. A table sits between them and to the left is a refrigerator. Within is his night cap.

Most evenings Chris and I take the babies for a walk. This is not anything different from what we did in Alaska. I love running with the dogs but evening walks (talks) have always been my favorite exercise. Running exercises the brain as well as the body but differently than walking. Running clears the clutter. Walking and talking reclaims relationships which in turn transforms the soul. Most times in Alaska, we would be walking and wind up talking to other walkers out with their babies. Rarely were there neighbors sitting on porches or decks near our hillside neighborhood even on the warmest days. Here in Florida, it is quite common to hear voices coming from porches but it seems that more often than not, Floridians like their morning and evening garage sitting more.

We found Bob and his friend, Josh, on one of our walks. Now it has become our cue. "Lets go see Bob".

Why do I mention Bob? It is what I gain from Bob. Bob is a story to follow. At 95, that in itself is amazing. How does someone get to be 95 and not have a story to tell. Last evening, he introduced me to the first of his lessons on longevity. When I asked what was his secret, Bob said, "I have something for you to read". He went inside and brought me back a leaflet which he asked me to read. I started to read it silently but he then asked me to read it out loud. My senses immediately took me back to elementary school where I was always terrified to read out loud. Diction and pronunciation were not my strong suits. And this new friendship had me sitting in front of an educated man of long ago who probably cares about whether the English language is destroyed. I didn't want to disappoint him but I straightened myself and began to read about a diet that would cut the risk of Alzheimer. The top 10 food groups that were identified "good for the brain" listed vegetables, nuts, berries, beans, whole grains, fish, poultry..", and as I was reading I could sense him watching me. Simultaneously, my peripheral view could see his smile broadening as I read "olive oil and w..". Looking up his mouth was forming the word. "Wine" as we both said it together.

Bob is a new friend, I think. Maybe I will mention him more often.

Boogie Mornings

Boogie Mornings are back...

Have you ever woke up, made your bed, turned on some fun music and just started moving better? If not, it is time to try it. Even for 10 minutes. There is a sense that the day is just going to be good. Somehow you forget the sore soles of your feet from a long day before. The shoulder aches from carrying a load are still there as you attempt a little beat keep. But if you hang with it, soon you don't even notice those issues with your body.

As I get older, I keep thinking I am in the best shape of my life...except for the wrinkles, extra weight, and larger sizes I am wearing these days. It is one of those things I tend to forget. That I was a nicer shaped example of myself many years ago or even just a couple years ago. As the years have passed, the changes in my skin, bones, and taste in clothing have caused me to only accept what I see today.

Sometimes I think I have always been in this body just as is and it isn't so bad. But then when I try on a dress from just a couple years ago, I am reminded that something changed. I still dance the same. I walk the same. I feel the same. But that dress just doesn't fit the same. It looks like it grew wider and shorter. Problem is that I really wanted to wear the dress this weekend to a Retirement party for one of Chris's friends. It hangs in my closet for the mere reason of my desire to wear it. And frankly, I think clothes should update as often as my body changes. Right? Okay maybe not. But I hang on to certain items of clothing because it looked good on me.

Back to boogieing. The music is on in the house as well as in my head.

Week 5

This is week 5. I think. Yes, week 5 post employment. What that means is I am still enjoying being off. Here I sit this am with coffee in hand contemplating my day and had to actually think about how long I have been off. I don't consider this a brag. Just an observation of how easy it is transitioning to calmness.

It is quiet in the house. Outside my former work-space window, the sun is coming up (again) with a few clouds, ripples on the lake water, a small breeze moving the still attached oak leaves back and forth...and I am very glad to be here in this place at this time.

I remember these sights, smells and sounds. The smell of autumn. The warmth of the sun rays coming through the window panes. Cicadas and other singing I haven't identified yet. Growing up in the south, I don't remember wondering what that noise was. I suppose most young kids just take it for granted. Now I want to know. Was it a cricket or a praying mantis.

When we left Georgia for Alaska in 1997, the one thing I missed the most was waking up in the mornings (that I had off) and smelling the breeze that came across the swamp water creek in front of our cabin on Penholloway creek. Opening my eyes, my first views were calming. As we settled into the Alaska life, I thought I would never have that again. I remember once in a Chugiak cottage we rented, waking up and before I opened my eyes, I could almost see and smell the remains of the watery fragrance my memories still held on to. The moment lasted only a second or two as opening my eyes lifted the dreamy state. I can't deny that by the time I left Alaska, I lived in a most beautiful hillside spot overlooking Anchorage, the inlet, the mountains and volcanoes across but I have yet to have that dreamy state of missing it. Maybe later. For now, I live and breath warmth. It is amazing how calming it feels for now.

I was listening to a song this morning that my daughter posted on FB. She is attending a concert by the artist this weekend. This is a good time for her and she is in a good place for concerts, wine, and work. Kudos. What did I like about the song? The upbeat music, the artsy dance on the video, and the words.

"Happiness, hit her like a train on a track

Coming towards her, stuck still no turning back

She hid around corners and she hid under beds

She killed it with kisses and from it she fled

With every bubble she sank with a drink

And washed it away down the kitchen sink"

....Florence and The Machine.

 I am not sure if everyone interprets the lyrics the same, but it made me feel this way. When happiness hits you, embrace it.... don't fight it. Smell the dream again. 

Watch me whip?

Watch me Whip!

Good morning! Monday morning. Cool and yet I am still walking around in shorts, t-shirts, and flip flops. Wore a long sleeve flannel shirt last night on our doggie walk but could have gone without it. Lots of work on the pool and yard this weekend and on into the week. Southern living has got me out and about. I loved Alaska and all it views but am so thankful to be outside more now in a warmer climate.

Talked to an old friend recently. She has gone through so much the last year or so. I think a road trip to the Atlanta area to see her would be a good way to start some reconnecting. When small things happen in your life and you make mountains out of them.....look to a friend who is having health changes in their life or have lost family close to them. Your take on that small thing becomes a mole hill instead of a mountain

And just so you can giggle....I tried to do this quick exercise that two young girls were doing. Need a little work on that midsection!

Sunshine Days

Good Morning Sunshine!

We have had a few rainy days this week but this morning the sun is coming up full bloom again reminding me where I live. Only a small white puffy cloud lingering. I am very thankful this morning. Fall is here but with different feels. Still temperatures high enough to encourage skin moisture and yet there is also breezes coming from the north. The lake down below the house ripples and sparkles as if it is smiling saying 'finally fall'.

Only two weeks away from messages and emails and I find myself still not bored. What I do find is time to think, to breath, to be thankful and to take care of me and Chris. The puppies take me for walks everyday. I think they recognize that mommy is around more. Even though I had been working from home completely for several months, I think they know my stress levels have reduced.

What I find myself doing more than anything is looking at the sky. I am a sky gazer for now. Watching the clouds, the storms, the stars at night and looking in the direction of sounds I had forgotten since I had moved to Alaska.

Speaking for Alaska. It snowed yesterday. Where our I former home sat, it was reported to have gotten 7-9 inches. If I had still been there, we would have been shoveling. I read that most places it melted quickly but wet snow on that wrap around deck would have been heavy. And I know what Chris and I would have been doing.

Also, if I were still living and working in Alaska. I would have been up early am to finish a project I had started long time ago. It is kind of bitter sweet. The stress is gone but the finale I missed. I wish all my co workers who are still there on the project all the best in a Great Go Live!

Sharie

Fall Festivals

It is raining this morning.

I have noticing many Facebook posts from friends in Alaska about Fall. The pictures are still gorgeous. I have to say I miss the colors of September and October in Alaska. Vibrant colors with crisp tones of white on the mountain tops. Even if it is short lived.

The trees are for the most part still green here. The temperatures are now in the 80s and a nice breeze is noticeable every day.

We spent the weekend still working on making this house our home. More pictures went up on the walls, we finished the downstairs bathroom, and little things like switches were changed to alleviate Chris's obsession an up switch means lights are on....

We ran.

And we engaged ourselves outside for our first fundraiser in the area. "Eggs on the Beach" show cased Cookers and Chefs as well as just home cooks to benefit "Fisher House". The outdoor event included all types of smart grilling from pulled pork, burgers to Apple pie and Pizza. We ate way too much but had a great time cruising through the booths of sponsors and clubs making the play for tickets. The most tickets obtained from the tasters would win and a large proceed would go to their charity of choice. (at least that was my understanding). My favorites were the pizza, the duck, and of course the prosciutto wrapped shrimp.


The sun was out, the temperature was excellent, and clouds were few.

Today, it is raining.

Oopsayo

I skipped a day. 

Reading on the beach is so much better than reading anywhere else. The sound of the waves, the sun, the wind....and oh, the warmth. I am a binge reader with a tendency to follow books that have series. But I may need to change that pattern. With the beach so near, I may need to broaden my reading selections. Today I am finishing up a Insurgent. I need another.

I am open to suggestions at any time. I have a moment or two to sit down and read......join me when you can. 

What is up next?

Run

The key to running is to go at your own pace, recognize your body movements and changes to reduce injuries, and just don't forget to smile. If running is not for you, the same goes for walking, swimming, biking, dancing or anything that gets you to a place where you feel like you have lived today.
Sometimes it is a good idea to engage others with a run. Today I ran with my doggies for a second day in a row. I think they know when I am going. The sound of my drawer opening, the type of clothing I put on, and of course the running shoes are a dead give away. Chris actually trained them to respond to all these queues. They lie at the opening to the bedroom door, puppy dog eyes watching every movement. Then as I make my way to the front door, they hold back their excitement as to whether they get to go or not.
Right now I am sensing that readers of this blog are thinking...."why wouldn't you take them"? Especially if they enjoy it.
One answer: Squirrels! There are tons of them running up and down trees, through bushes, and across streets. There was one time that I was running with them and was maintaining control. Let's just say I thought I was in control until a moment later a squirrel darted across the street right in front of Bella. Normally she is pretty easy to yield her desires with a slight tug and a command of "heel". But this time Bella's strength combined with a sudden desire of Bodhi to join in was more than I could "heel". Luckily no cars were coming. It is a fairly quiet neighborhood with 20 mph zones but still.....what if? So I released the leashes to take care of my shoulder instead.
Now our routine includes a short jog down to the end of the road where there is less traffic. I keep Bella's leash tight and Bodhi's just on my pointer finger to allow easy release. Then back home they go while I enjoy a nice longer run to clear the clutter.
I love to run. I am not very fast. But if you ever see me running, don't forget to wave. Thumbs up to all of you who run as well and to those who do what they love if not running.

Multitasking

It is a puppy-in-my-lap morning

This is the first Monday morning in a long time that I don't have to rush rush to get many things done before I have to get many more things done. Last night, I thought my day would be planned out. Morning run, phone calls, grocery list, house cleaning, etc to remain an effective member of this household (since I will no longer be bringing in the dough). Instead, I slept in to 630 am, poured a cup of coffee, kissed my husband good day as he exited for work, and talked to my puppies a little longer than normal.

I think my sleep habits are changing. Most nights I wake up around 1-2 in the morning. My first thought is that it is my liver and kidneys reminding me of the wine I drank last night. Then I lie there thinking about what I did or didn't do at work, what I have to do next, and fret over the conversations I had or might need to have with co workers. But the last few nights I have really slept good. Maybe I am still in the honeymoon phase of not working. I am just happy to say that I didn't wake up thinking about any diagnosis issue or download problem. I just woke up, made my normal bathroom trek, and then fell back into a deep sleep as my head touched the pillow.

What will I do today? Let's make a list.

1. Nothing particular

Happy birthday to my mother. Your card may be late this year. It goes out this morning. I will call you later to see how your day went.

Waking up

Waking up to a new day. Looking out my window, there are calms waters and clear skies. No chaos.

When I rebooted my personal PC yesterday, my favorites were staring at me. A link to my former work email and remote to my desktop was on my bookmarks bar as well as pop up for messenger service for connecting with my coworkers came up immediately. It exposed me as available. So first task to rid my new adventure of post work clutter was to stop the email and messenger messages from appearing. The only remaining reminder is my retirement login. I am keeping that.

I reread my blog from yesterday. For those who out there who don't know me. I just want to reassure everyone the ideal of not working isn't something I was planning so early. The circumstances just fell into place. I am not sure how long I will go without bringing home a paycheck but for now I am in a good place to take some time off. It would silly not to do it.

Got a text yesterday from a co-worker. I won't disclose who but the question was work related. I steered away as best I could. It wasn't like the answer would compromise anyone. But it was a moment of recognizing things are different.

Many of my co-workers are friends and my daughter works with the same company. Future conversations will be interesting.

Yesterday, Chris and I accomplished some home tasks, played in the pool with the doggies, and read books together sitting out on the deck. Today, rinse and repeat.

What? I have no job?

This is the first morning that I don't wake up and glance at my work email. I know the statement sounds odd. Most people go to work, perform their duties and then leave it at the office desk. But for the last 6 years, I have been in a position that increasingly invaded my personal life. For the most part, I enjoyed the work, the challenges, the responsibilities and of course the pay. Then there came a time at the beginning of this year that I looked at myself and knew this work wasn't me. For many of the good moments I had, I was losing pieces of me and my personal life. I wanted it back. 

This blog is for me. Today, I start the process of removing addiction I had to work and allowing myself to breath. 

Good morning Sharie! Happy weekend without logging in.