Stronger

Yes, I am an IRONMAN!

I heard it as I crossed the finish line on Saturday evening. After 14 hours, 37 minutes, and 58 seconds, I came to the conclusion of a year long adventure in training. The moment was not what I expected. There was cheering. I heard my name called out and the excitement of finishing was like nothing I had experienced before, yet I was too tired to enjoy it. Must train and do it again to relish it better.

planting seeds

Being from the south and being a country girl, I have planted a few seeds. Begrudgingly when I was young. Now with pleasure as an adult. It is just too bad I can't remember when to plant, what to fertilize the seeds with, or how much water to give. I know when to weed. That would be anytime something other than the desired plants pops up. And of course, most times I can tell when to harvest. Anytime the fruit looks yummy. The days are getting warmer and planting season has begun. Trees are budding and flowers are blooming. I have chosen the seeds I want to sow.

The seed of love is first to go in this spring. I have planted it all year long but this ground around me needs an extra dose. I felt it at a recent wedding seeing so many people I have been close to in the past but haven't seen in so long that I wasn't sure if they were willing to share their love. They were. It helped me remember that no matter how far or distant you may have been with someone close, you can always make some time to connect when the opportunity presents itself. So with love, I plant the seeds that have been given to me back into ground to let it sprout more. It won't go to waste. If hatred pops up, I will tenderly weed it out. As love blooms, I will embrace the lovely colors and smells.

Spending time

Mama's are here to do this. I have said it so many times this week while spending time with Stephanie in Portland. It isn't a "have to" thing. Well, it isn't, really. Mostly, it is a "want to" thing. I love doing things for my kids. I love them so much and it comes easy to just give to them without a second thought.

Dear Friday

Dear Friday,

I want to thank you. The week has gone by so fast. You are here and nothing catastrophic has happened this week. It is also December and it doesn't look like the normal December Friday I have experienced the past 18 years. Temperature is 75. I am wearing flip flops, a skort, short sleeves and my hair is tied back. A run this morning and an easy bike ride this afternoon, outdoors, again and now contemplating sitting outside to read. Not sure I can contain myself.

What did I do to deserve such a perfect Friday? It was like you knew I would always return to see this day. Yes, I visit you every 7 days but this time it is different. I recognize that I have truly missed you. The trees that hold on to their green and only shed a few reds. The humidity that is still warm yet welcoming to dry skin. The sky that is blue with occasional white puffs floating lazily by.

I hope you can return and maybe even visit those I love with your warmth. The world has turned. Others need to experience a Friday like you to ease their stress.

You are my Friend who I never really appreciated and didn't think I would deserve to see again. Thank you for showing up.

Nostalgia

It happened again. I suppose it will many more times in the next year as the Southern exposure slowly infuses my days. The warmth, the constant reliable sunshine, and most of all...the fried everything just brings back memories.

Those senses all bring delight to my well being although maybe not the fried everything part. I really have enjoyed the running outside. Even on a rainy day. The other morning, I looked outside and thought "yuck". There was no sun. Clouds were everywhere and not just fluffy white ones but dark fluid filled ones just waiting for my feet to step out.

Hill Climber

I lived in Alaska for 18 years. If you know Alaska, you know it is one of our most beautiful frontier states with so many majestic mountains, hills and streams that it completely engulfs you to the point you can't do without them. It is an addiction. The whole 'climb a mountain because it is there' was my mantra during my time there. Not because I wanted to post a great feat or win a medal but because it brought to me the greatest feeling. The peace that only a mountain top can give. Call it a God like experience or call it zen. Or just call it good. My favorite mountain to hike up was Flat Top. It was one introduced to me by some co workers when I first arrived in Anchorage. It seemed everyone knew it. A favorite tourist hike and a locals retreat for peace, fun, and fitness. The first time I went up it, I was totally out of breath and it took probably 3 hours to ascend and descend. The picture is an April shot of going up the back side. It was icy and cold at the start but after 30 minutes, my core was heated enough that I had to remove my gloves and hat. The views were awesome at the top and the friends I went with dragged sleds up by rope. When we got to the top, we popped open a beer, sat enjoying the views, then climbed onto the sleds and took a ride I would probably never do again.

After several group climbs and bravery set in, I started to climb by myself. I would take the route most locals took and go during times when there were plenty of people. But there came a point where I didn't care if anyone was there, climbing or hiking alone just became easier and easier. Those times alone, I would sit and ponder my life. The sadness I knew as a child, I finally made peace with on some of those mountains. The blame I placed on myself or others dissipated. No longer was I a victim but I was someone who sat on a mountain above the view below and beneath the heavens above. God was with me yet he let me just be so that I could forgive myself and forgive others without pressure. This picture I loved because I was alone. Sitting on the side. Feet dangling. I remember thinking of the song "free falling". Toes pointed to the future whatever it may be. The expansive views just kept opening more and more.
I found myself divorced in Alaska. Many reasons for it and some may speculate why I would walk away from an 18 year marriage but it was the easiest thing to do as well as one of the hardest things to do. There was a moment I didn't think anyone really knew me as well as I didn't know myself either. I felt I was dead already. After the divorce, it took a few years to recognize who I wanted to be and what I needed to do to get to that place. That place for me was something many had gotten to earlier in their own lives but I was just finding it. Once I became awoken and okay, then I knew I was ready to find 'him' or the person I wanted to share my life with. The climb to that point was tough. I would reach a peak and see all that I loved about that peak and then decide that I needed to climb something else. Eventually I after much reflection about my own life and how I wanted to live it for me was I able and ready to meet the man of my life.

Then I met him and Agate. She was a wonderful friend to him and she embraced me. Once I settled into their lives, she became my hiking girlfriend. And I think Flat Top was her favorite as well. Treats and water packed, we would take to the mountain that gave back to me. I became her mommy when she was an old lady but I still remember as the first real dog that did things with me. She died in 2011. Tears still crop up when I think about how good she was to Chris and how welcoming she was to me. I don't think there will ever be a better companion dog. Maybe a love puddle or a snuggle pouch that outwits us, but not the Agate. The rock.

It seems as though every so many years, I find myself starting a new journey. I went from a small town Georgia girl running dirt roads to an Alaskan woman running races and hiking mountains, to now a mature adult Floridian dreaming of an endurance of a lifetime. No it doesn't have mountains but it so far has delivered a training plan that is just as much a climb as any mountain race I trained for or as much as any circumstance so far that I have faced. I suppose some may wonder why I or others sometime put ourselves into these moments by choice when there are so many other easier things to do to stay healthy physically or mentally. It is a drive that keeps you focused. Focused on the mountain, hill, or flat road that takes you beyond your comfort zone. It keeps you from dwelling on all the things that life tends to drag you down.

There will be a day, I suppose that I will no longer be able to do some of the things I do. Even though I don't do these things as well as many, I still enjoy the air I breath, the feeling of accomplishment, the joy of feeling the exertion of what my body can and sometimes can't do.......I still love getting to the top of the hills.

Knees

What is up with my knees?

First off, this will not be a complaining post.....

It is a legitimate question to ask why I am falling apart. Right? Don't we all do it as we getting older. Forget anatomy and physiology. I know that we grow old and eventually wear out the parts given to us one way or another. A heart doesn't beat the same as it did 30 years earlier and no longer can I lie on my stomach and touch the back of my head with my feet like I did when I was 15. Who knew back then that it was called "yoga". No one told me. I just found that I could run, jump, ride a bike and play sports to some degree. I wasn't a "real" athlete. Just a wanna be. Now I wish I had that elasticity and bounce back that I had then.

I signed up for an Ironman. It is in November. Yes, I am 55 years old and will be 56 on race day, but it doesn't matter. I am one of many who want it at my age. The deterioration of my body will get through it one way or another. The reason why is because my mind will take over.

When I was younger, I never felt I could accomplish something like an Ironman race. No one told me it was possible. The dreams of my teenage years was to get through school, go to college, and then move out of my parents home. I always just wanted my freedom. There were no physical goals at that time. Nothing to accomplish. I played softball. That was about as much physical as I got in competition. I really don't remember it being encouraged to seek out racing individually. That I believe is a newer concept since my youth.

In my twenties, I started out running near my home. Dirt roads and corn fields were my views. And I wasn't "training". I was just getting out for a run. And as far as shoes....not sure they were serious running shoes. I probably bought them because they were "in". Then came kids and I was a mom. Did mom things. It was about the kids. Not about me. That was what you do. No one ever talked to me about balance and nurturing yourself.

Around 35, I began putting on some weight. That is when I started running seriously. Then I found that it became addictive. Still, the seriousness of shoe structure never occurred to me. It wasn't until I was in my 40s that I ran my first 5k and then it was all over. Running was my thing. I felt so much better when I did it. The cob webs cleared out. The dust was eliminated. I felt renewed. By the time I turned 50, I had divorced, remarried an "athlete", ran several 5ks, half marathons, and a few sprint triathlons.

My knees hurt today as I am entering a new phase. In the past, I was able to discover my love for running. Now I am discovering ways to keep that love from fading. Good health, taking care of my engine, repairing and resting when needed has become an important part of my life. Anatomy and Physiology is more important than ever. And a mind made up to pay attention to when my knees speak to me.

The same goes for the rest of my life. I will continue to run with it but every now and then I will stop, rest, repair and listen to what needs to take place next so that my knees won't hurt so much. Who knew I would be a smarter athlete today in my 50s.