Hill Climber

I lived in Alaska for 18 years. If you know Alaska, you know it is one of our most beautiful frontier states with so many majestic mountains, hills and streams that it completely engulfs you to the point you can't do without them. It is an addiction. The whole 'climb a mountain because it is there' was my mantra during my time there. Not because I wanted to post a great feat or win a medal but because it brought to me the greatest feeling. The peace that only a mountain top can give. Call it a God like experience or call it zen. Or just call it good. My favorite mountain to hike up was Flat Top. It was one introduced to me by some co workers when I first arrived in Anchorage. It seemed everyone knew it. A favorite tourist hike and a locals retreat for peace, fun, and fitness. The first time I went up it, I was totally out of breath and it took probably 3 hours to ascend and descend. The picture is an April shot of going up the back side. It was icy and cold at the start but after 30 minutes, my core was heated enough that I had to remove my gloves and hat. The views were awesome at the top and the friends I went with dragged sleds up by rope. When we got to the top, we popped open a beer, sat enjoying the views, then climbed onto the sleds and took a ride I would probably never do again.

After several group climbs and bravery set in, I started to climb by myself. I would take the route most locals took and go during times when there were plenty of people. But there came a point where I didn't care if anyone was there, climbing or hiking alone just became easier and easier. Those times alone, I would sit and ponder my life. The sadness I knew as a child, I finally made peace with on some of those mountains. The blame I placed on myself or others dissipated. No longer was I a victim but I was someone who sat on a mountain above the view below and beneath the heavens above. God was with me yet he let me just be so that I could forgive myself and forgive others without pressure. This picture I loved because I was alone. Sitting on the side. Feet dangling. I remember thinking of the song "free falling". Toes pointed to the future whatever it may be. The expansive views just kept opening more and more.
I found myself divorced in Alaska. Many reasons for it and some may speculate why I would walk away from an 18 year marriage but it was the easiest thing to do as well as one of the hardest things to do. There was a moment I didn't think anyone really knew me as well as I didn't know myself either. I felt I was dead already. After the divorce, it took a few years to recognize who I wanted to be and what I needed to do to get to that place. That place for me was something many had gotten to earlier in their own lives but I was just finding it. Once I became awoken and okay, then I knew I was ready to find 'him' or the person I wanted to share my life with. The climb to that point was tough. I would reach a peak and see all that I loved about that peak and then decide that I needed to climb something else. Eventually I after much reflection about my own life and how I wanted to live it for me was I able and ready to meet the man of my life.

Then I met him and Agate. She was a wonderful friend to him and she embraced me. Once I settled into their lives, she became my hiking girlfriend. And I think Flat Top was her favorite as well. Treats and water packed, we would take to the mountain that gave back to me. I became her mommy when she was an old lady but I still remember as the first real dog that did things with me. She died in 2011. Tears still crop up when I think about how good she was to Chris and how welcoming she was to me. I don't think there will ever be a better companion dog. Maybe a love puddle or a snuggle pouch that outwits us, but not the Agate. The rock.

It seems as though every so many years, I find myself starting a new journey. I went from a small town Georgia girl running dirt roads to an Alaskan woman running races and hiking mountains, to now a mature adult Floridian dreaming of an endurance of a lifetime. No it doesn't have mountains but it so far has delivered a training plan that is just as much a climb as any mountain race I trained for or as much as any circumstance so far that I have faced. I suppose some may wonder why I or others sometime put ourselves into these moments by choice when there are so many other easier things to do to stay healthy physically or mentally. It is a drive that keeps you focused. Focused on the mountain, hill, or flat road that takes you beyond your comfort zone. It keeps you from dwelling on all the things that life tends to drag you down.

There will be a day, I suppose that I will no longer be able to do some of the things I do. Even though I don't do these things as well as many, I still enjoy the air I breath, the feeling of accomplishment, the joy of feeling the exertion of what my body can and sometimes can't do.......I still love getting to the top of the hills.