Decisions.....Decisions

What do I do now?

So here is the last day of the year. I said I would take time off for the remainder of the year after I left PHS. It has been quite nice. I have mulled over a few things that I might do. For this post, I am just going to list them so I can visually attached a desire to one or more of them. This isn't a bucket list but more of a "what TO DO" list. They are listed as I think of them and not in priority.

1. Look for a nursing job since I now have my Florida license. I am a nurse and it would an interest me to see how much nurses make here in the South. I remember what I made back in 1997 when I left Georgia, so it would be interesting to compare.
2. Volunteer as a nurse at a local hospital, races, etc. Maybe I could be of service.
3. Consult as an Analyst. Not sure if this is something I need to do. It would be interesting but it would also take me away from my love for 4-5 days a week. I have already had an interview with one company and will see what the offer is. Who knows...maybe the offer would be too good to walk away from. Or they may not even make an offer. 
4. Train for the Ironman I have signed up for. If I don't take a job, then I actually have more time to train. There will be NO excuses. The IM is in November but it would be in my best interest to perform in a few sprints, Olympic size, and maybe even a half IM during my training year. 
5. Be off from work so that I can really take time to visit family, be with my dogs, travel when it is good for Chris and take care of my home. The best lawn girl, pool girl, chef, duster, and more.
6. Play golf, run more, learn to kayak fish, paddle board, snorkel with spear fishing, practice my bow hunting skills, and just spend more time at the beach. 

This is the list so far. Right now, number 2, 4, 5, and 6 look like great options. Feel free to add to my list. 

- Sharie

Why Do I run?

Why do I run?

I finally decided 13 years ago that I was a runner. It was after I ran my first 5k in Alaska. Training consisted of early mornings on the treadmill and an occasional afternoon neighborhood run. At that time I ran 2 miles with each episode. This wasn't the first time I was running. I enjoyed it as a young adult living in rural Georgia. Dirt roads were the common path and it was more about trying it out and not an addiction. Then when I gain a few extra pounds after the birth of my last child, I found it a quick easy way to lose the weight. Never did I study running, form, breathing or did I spend any significant money on gear. I used what I had and we really didn't have extra funds for that kind of thing.

Maybe I was bored 13 years ago. I needed something that made me feel alive. It also gave me a figure that I had never had and in the end I felt beautiful. I gained confidence. Running opened my heart to other outdoor activities. Soon I became a mountain trail hiker attempting some really awesome peaks in the Anchorage bowl as well as other areas we ventured to while fishing or hunting. The feeling I gained from trail runs or hikes just fueled a growing love/addiction to fitness.

I remember once that I was experiencing some chest cold type symptoms. It wasn't serious and didn't really feel like a cold so I went in to have it checked out. The Practitioner ordered a chest xray and a medication similar to what Asthmatics take. It helped but overall just good old fashion rest and hydration is what I believe helped in the end. Several weeks later I received mail from the health care facility the xray was taken at that "if you were recently diagnosed with COPD.....". I was somewhat alarmed so I called my provider. What she said was that the xray was read by the Radiologist and she felt that because my diaphragm flattened on inhale or exhale (not sure which one now), the reader indicated possible COPD. My provider actually called the reader to talk. She explained that I was a runner and didn't smoke and was pretty healthy. So the explanation I received was that sometimes this happens to runners. Mistaken COPD Diagnosis due to flat diaphragms. I made sure it was taken off my health records.

After that first 5k, I really started becoming interested in collecting more bibs. More 5ks until I finally attempted a half. Of course I had to ramp up my mileage. No longer could I just opt for a quick 2 miles. Longer runs came hard and still do but at the end I am always glad I did it. There were also times I would begin a run thinking I could go forever and then just wind up doing 3 or less. Regardless, that first 5k was a moment of clarity that I was needing this as a life activity.

Many moments when I have felt down and unmotivated, there has always been a video, movie, or meeting of someone who has struggled more than myself. So if I have two good legs, two good feet, good shoes, then how could I not run? Especially if someone else wanted to do it so badly. How could I not?

Since 2002, I have ran many 5ks, 10ks, Halves, a few mountain races as well as Sprint and Olympic size triathlons. What is next? Well, a marathon should be next and of course an Ironman. Why not do both? So next November, Chris and I have signed up to complete our first Ironman. As we both begin this journey, keep us in your prayers. Send us your tips and cheers. We welcome them even if we don't follow it.

As Chris states many times on our adventures in physical activities, "here comes the pain train, baby" and "pain don't hurt"!

If there is every a time when you wonder why you do something, Write down your pros and cons. Most of the time, your pros will always win out if it is especially something you love. Stay safe. Stay on left side against traffic on your runs and with traffic on your biking obeying the rules of the road at all times. Run hard, run often, and never spend too much money on gear that doesn't fit well and doesn't make you look absolutely fab.

And most of all, stay healthy!

Rain

I am sad today. Not for myself but for all of us. It is raining this morning so hard and yet it was sunny, warm and clear just a few hours ago.

We all sit here and think about the uncertainty of our next breath. How do I want to breath? I would rather breath with the warmth of the sun on my skin instead of the rain. Even if the rain is cleansing the dirt and oil so that my body can breath better when the sun returns, it still isn't my favorite weather.  And it is so hard to breath with rain drowning your face. Smashing into your eyes. Drawing your hair down on your face. The bones, tendons, and muscles want to compress to stay warm. The expansion is not the same as on a sunny day.

I look at the forecast and know that tomorrow will be a better day but how do I breath today in the earthy tears that fall. Right now I stay inside and breath the dry inside while I watch through the windows of my world to the outside. I turn on my lights to imitate the sun. It helps some but not the same. Every now and then, I open the door and take in the stormy weather outside. The rain touches my fingers.

So today, I will go outside and occasionally breath rain.

During the moist breathing, I keep in mind that this is only a day, an hour, a second. This second of breath, I take note that I am alive and have the opportunity to smile and not be angry.

When I was young, I remember moments where I went to church with my mother and other family members. Those moments didn't stick with me as much as the moments when I went to church with friends. Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed my religious education from my grandmother and the family church. But when I actually went to another church because of invitation or whatever, I think I wanted to see what it is about. I don't ever remember any negatives. The main message I received was love. Yes, some churches were different in appearance and their acceptance was varied but the spiritual love was always apparent.

The moments I am experiencing today are cold and I shutter. The news is always splashing into my face and dripping negatives across my eyes. My body feels the fear as it constricts with the thoughts of what would I do if I were faced with the enemy's terror in my next breath. The claustrophobic thoughts of how wrong a group has gone keeps my thoughts on guard. My weapon no longer resides locked away but always within reach.

I don't ever remember feeling this urgency to be prepared.

So how do I breath in the raining of today world's events? I remember that with this rain, there will be sun again.

Is your world weeping? Mine is. I still smile and know that this is a small moment in time. I hope you can too. Draw in a breath, release it. Smile. Draw in a breath, release it, Smile.

Lifting Leaves

It is interesting to find myself enjoying lifting leaves out of my pool. Who knew that the act of taking a net on a pole, pushing it into the water and skimming leaves would be so relaxing. If I were twenty, I probably would hate it. But at this age, the moments are peaceful.

There is an art to it in case you didn't know. And I am not sure I have yet perfected it. You see, when you have leaves falling in your pool, most of the time they lie on the surface just floating and circling the pool as the filter runs until they reach the skimmer. That is usually the best time to get them out. I hold the net just right on the surface top and allow the leaves to float in as I walk around the pool. Every now and then, I empty the net. In the beginning, I would empty to one spot on the deck and then ultimately trash can them but now I just shake them on the grass. Sooner or later, the lawn mower will pick them up along with all the others that didn't make it to the pool. 

When times passes and the leaves have found their way to the bottom, it then takes a new type of finesse to retrieve the leaves. The former owners left us some old nets, poles, brushes, etc but when I took "pool school", the teacher showed me his fancy beveled net. So with this new net and a little patience, you can coerce the leaves to dance off the bottom and then you circle back and scoop them up. It takes time dependent on amount of leaves. 

Bottom line, I am not saying it is going to always be relaxing but for now I am not dealing with diagnosis codes, customer issues, rules and regulations, or having to think about right dose, right time, right patient, right site, right drug. The stressful thoughts are gone for now allowing me to focus on just removing the leaves on top quickly or the ones that have managed to dive deeper. 

What am I learning? Maybe nothing more than how to keep the pool clean but I think there is more to it if you dive deeper. The easy messes in life can quickly be scooped up and taken away. I don't even have to tidy them up in a neat little can. I can just lift and let go. The harder issues in life may take some diving. Some dancing. Some finesse to scoop out but they too can just be tossed over the edge into the grass for a later mowing. With both, there is an action to be done. 

If I never remove the leaves, yes the filter might take care of some but soon there would not be clear clean water to relax by. 

Hope you find your moment. 

Let's go see Bob

Bob is 95.

The first thing I noticed about Bob is that he has beautiful clear blue eyes. Yes, he is frail, spotted, and has an abundance of gray hair (not sure if real) but his eyes are wonderfully clear baby blue. They match his flannels perfectly. The second thing I noticed is his welcoming smile and his happy to see us wave.

Bob and his friend are there everyday between the hours of 4 and 6 pm sitting in a folding lawn chairs just inside the open garage. The chairs have been there a while. A table sits between them and to the left is a refrigerator. Within is his night cap.

Most evenings Chris and I take the babies for a walk. This is not anything different from what we did in Alaska. I love running with the dogs but evening walks (talks) have always been my favorite exercise. Running exercises the brain as well as the body but differently than walking. Running clears the clutter. Walking and talking reclaims relationships which in turn transforms the soul. Most times in Alaska, we would be walking and wind up talking to other walkers out with their babies. Rarely were there neighbors sitting on porches or decks near our hillside neighborhood even on the warmest days. Here in Florida, it is quite common to hear voices coming from porches but it seems that more often than not, Floridians like their morning and evening garage sitting more.

We found Bob and his friend, Josh, on one of our walks. Now it has become our cue. "Lets go see Bob".

Why do I mention Bob? It is what I gain from Bob. Bob is a story to follow. At 95, that in itself is amazing. How does someone get to be 95 and not have a story to tell. Last evening, he introduced me to the first of his lessons on longevity. When I asked what was his secret, Bob said, "I have something for you to read". He went inside and brought me back a leaflet which he asked me to read. I started to read it silently but he then asked me to read it out loud. My senses immediately took me back to elementary school where I was always terrified to read out loud. Diction and pronunciation were not my strong suits. And this new friendship had me sitting in front of an educated man of long ago who probably cares about whether the English language is destroyed. I didn't want to disappoint him but I straightened myself and began to read about a diet that would cut the risk of Alzheimer. The top 10 food groups that were identified "good for the brain" listed vegetables, nuts, berries, beans, whole grains, fish, poultry..", and as I was reading I could sense him watching me. Simultaneously, my peripheral view could see his smile broadening as I read "olive oil and w..". Looking up his mouth was forming the word. "Wine" as we both said it together.

Bob is a new friend, I think. Maybe I will mention him more often.

Boogie Mornings

Boogie Mornings are back...

Have you ever woke up, made your bed, turned on some fun music and just started moving better? If not, it is time to try it. Even for 10 minutes. There is a sense that the day is just going to be good. Somehow you forget the sore soles of your feet from a long day before. The shoulder aches from carrying a load are still there as you attempt a little beat keep. But if you hang with it, soon you don't even notice those issues with your body.

As I get older, I keep thinking I am in the best shape of my life...except for the wrinkles, extra weight, and larger sizes I am wearing these days. It is one of those things I tend to forget. That I was a nicer shaped example of myself many years ago or even just a couple years ago. As the years have passed, the changes in my skin, bones, and taste in clothing have caused me to only accept what I see today.

Sometimes I think I have always been in this body just as is and it isn't so bad. But then when I try on a dress from just a couple years ago, I am reminded that something changed. I still dance the same. I walk the same. I feel the same. But that dress just doesn't fit the same. It looks like it grew wider and shorter. Problem is that I really wanted to wear the dress this weekend to a Retirement party for one of Chris's friends. It hangs in my closet for the mere reason of my desire to wear it. And frankly, I think clothes should update as often as my body changes. Right? Okay maybe not. But I hang on to certain items of clothing because it looked good on me.

Back to boogieing. The music is on in the house as well as in my head.

Week 5

This is week 5. I think. Yes, week 5 post employment. What that means is I am still enjoying being off. Here I sit this am with coffee in hand contemplating my day and had to actually think about how long I have been off. I don't consider this a brag. Just an observation of how easy it is transitioning to calmness.

It is quiet in the house. Outside my former work-space window, the sun is coming up (again) with a few clouds, ripples on the lake water, a small breeze moving the still attached oak leaves back and forth...and I am very glad to be here in this place at this time.

I remember these sights, smells and sounds. The smell of autumn. The warmth of the sun rays coming through the window panes. Cicadas and other singing I haven't identified yet. Growing up in the south, I don't remember wondering what that noise was. I suppose most young kids just take it for granted. Now I want to know. Was it a cricket or a praying mantis.

When we left Georgia for Alaska in 1997, the one thing I missed the most was waking up in the mornings (that I had off) and smelling the breeze that came across the swamp water creek in front of our cabin on Penholloway creek. Opening my eyes, my first views were calming. As we settled into the Alaska life, I thought I would never have that again. I remember once in a Chugiak cottage we rented, waking up and before I opened my eyes, I could almost see and smell the remains of the watery fragrance my memories still held on to. The moment lasted only a second or two as opening my eyes lifted the dreamy state. I can't deny that by the time I left Alaska, I lived in a most beautiful hillside spot overlooking Anchorage, the inlet, the mountains and volcanoes across but I have yet to have that dreamy state of missing it. Maybe later. For now, I live and breath warmth. It is amazing how calming it feels for now.

I was listening to a song this morning that my daughter posted on FB. She is attending a concert by the artist this weekend. This is a good time for her and she is in a good place for concerts, wine, and work. Kudos. What did I like about the song? The upbeat music, the artsy dance on the video, and the words.

"Happiness, hit her like a train on a track

Coming towards her, stuck still no turning back

She hid around corners and she hid under beds

She killed it with kisses and from it she fled

With every bubble she sank with a drink

And washed it away down the kitchen sink"

....Florence and The Machine.

 I am not sure if everyone interprets the lyrics the same, but it made me feel this way. When happiness hits you, embrace it.... don't fight it. Smell the dream again.