Let Go

     So it has been 4 months since I left my job. I haven't missed a meal. Nor have I missed those costly espressos. And needless to say, I haven't missed getting in office casual dress wear and driving in to sit in a small cubicle space without windows to listen to long teleconference calls that very often left me wondering why I was on the call.
     Yes, I enjoyed the money, the building of my retirement, and sometimes the adult exchanges with good friends on not only work topics but also our own philosophical discussions. Today, I spend most of my time talking to dogs. They listen really well.
     Yes, I miss the challenges of creating new ways of documenting within a very complex system that supposedly should help in the overall care of patients. That was my main reason for leaving the clinical nurse arena and becoming an analyst. I believed in the product. And yes, I miss the fixes and the accolades from successfully navigating through the medical professional world of data. But the moments I miss the most were the occasional  email which would come in from someone you were not expecting, that acknowledged how important you were as a member of a team. The real human emotion of gratitude.
     Today, I receive word that a dear friend from my youth and my young adult life passed away. My first thoughts go out to her family and neighbor friends who cared so deeply for her as she entered this last phase of life and subsequently passed into the next. I reflect and have decided I have no regrets and no desire to entertain chaos in my life and to set this thinking as a memorial to her. And as I remember her, I once again reach out to memories that have directed me to be open and ready to let go of things that do not make me smile and embrace opportunities that give more life to an already abundant life. You see, I came to Florida knowing I would see old friends again, but I didn't think that a death of one would come so quickly. She had been a friend from long ago and somehow we reconnected only a few months ago. That is when see told me about her condition.
     If I had continued to work or seek other work, I may not have gone to visit her and would have missed a last moment to say I love you face to face. I would have probably put it off thinking I had time. She taught me more in the last two months that many friends have in a multitude of years. The most memorable thing she said to me recently is "I had a good life, I am okay with this." I hope to pass that on with living the life towards this.
     Now, not everyone has the opportunity to take a break from work but everyone has the opportunity to change how they think. I recognize how fortunate I am to have been given this time to think on good things, to care, to listen, and to be thankful and I really believe I allowed work to interfere with allowing this. When my husband first mentioned coming to Florida, I knew right away I would no longer be working at the same place and that starting over with a new organization might take some getting use to. That is how I approached this move. Never once did I really think I wouldn't be working by January 2016. Taking the rest of last year off was easy but as the end of the year neared, I began to become a little anxious about money, how quickly technology changes, how much I might forget, and if I could get a job like I had. I allowed doubt and negativity to start. Then when I faced the reality of how quickly life in general can change, how quickly your health can go, and how quickly you can lose a loved one that I then decided to stop and breath just a little more. Breathing comes easily without effort. Life should too.  I stopped fretting and I let go.
     There are some that would have described me as a workaholic up until I left my position. There may be some that wonder if I am bored by not working and wonder when I will return. Maybe later. For now I believe I have been given this time to just let go. It is something not given to many and I am thankful that I have the option for now. So I should take it.
    One of my favorite quotes is from Ray Bradbury, "love what you do, and do what you love." But the rest of that quote is this, "Don't listen to anyone else who tells you not to do it. You do what you want, what you love. Imagination should be the center of your life.” 
     I imagine that this year is the year for me to grow in ways no one else can imagine. Watch me as I let go. You can too.