Rain

I am sad today. Not for myself but for all of us. It is raining this morning so hard and yet it was sunny, warm and clear just a few hours ago.

We all sit here and think about the uncertainty of our next breath. How do I want to breath? I would rather breath with the warmth of the sun on my skin instead of the rain. Even if the rain is cleansing the dirt and oil so that my body can breath better when the sun returns, it still isn't my favorite weather.  And it is so hard to breath with rain drowning your face. Smashing into your eyes. Drawing your hair down on your face. The bones, tendons, and muscles want to compress to stay warm. The expansion is not the same as on a sunny day.

I look at the forecast and know that tomorrow will be a better day but how do I breath today in the earthy tears that fall. Right now I stay inside and breath the dry inside while I watch through the windows of my world to the outside. I turn on my lights to imitate the sun. It helps some but not the same. Every now and then, I open the door and take in the stormy weather outside. The rain touches my fingers.

So today, I will go outside and occasionally breath rain.

During the moist breathing, I keep in mind that this is only a day, an hour, a second. This second of breath, I take note that I am alive and have the opportunity to smile and not be angry.

When I was young, I remember moments where I went to church with my mother and other family members. Those moments didn't stick with me as much as the moments when I went to church with friends. Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed my religious education from my grandmother and the family church. But when I actually went to another church because of invitation or whatever, I think I wanted to see what it is about. I don't ever remember any negatives. The main message I received was love. Yes, some churches were different in appearance and their acceptance was varied but the spiritual love was always apparent.

The moments I am experiencing today are cold and I shutter. The news is always splashing into my face and dripping negatives across my eyes. My body feels the fear as it constricts with the thoughts of what would I do if I were faced with the enemy's terror in my next breath. The claustrophobic thoughts of how wrong a group has gone keeps my thoughts on guard. My weapon no longer resides locked away but always within reach.

I don't ever remember feeling this urgency to be prepared.

So how do I breath in the raining of today world's events? I remember that with this rain, there will be sun again.

Is your world weeping? Mine is. I still smile and know that this is a small moment in time. I hope you can too. Draw in a breath, release it. Smile. Draw in a breath, release it, Smile.

Lifting Leaves

It is interesting to find myself enjoying lifting leaves out of my pool. Who knew that the act of taking a net on a pole, pushing it into the water and skimming leaves would be so relaxing. If I were twenty, I probably would hate it. But at this age, the moments are peaceful.

There is an art to it in case you didn't know. And I am not sure I have yet perfected it. You see, when you have leaves falling in your pool, most of the time they lie on the surface just floating and circling the pool as the filter runs until they reach the skimmer. That is usually the best time to get them out. I hold the net just right on the surface top and allow the leaves to float in as I walk around the pool. Every now and then, I empty the net. In the beginning, I would empty to one spot on the deck and then ultimately trash can them but now I just shake them on the grass. Sooner or later, the lawn mower will pick them up along with all the others that didn't make it to the pool. 

When times passes and the leaves have found their way to the bottom, it then takes a new type of finesse to retrieve the leaves. The former owners left us some old nets, poles, brushes, etc but when I took "pool school", the teacher showed me his fancy beveled net. So with this new net and a little patience, you can coerce the leaves to dance off the bottom and then you circle back and scoop them up. It takes time dependent on amount of leaves. 

Bottom line, I am not saying it is going to always be relaxing but for now I am not dealing with diagnosis codes, customer issues, rules and regulations, or having to think about right dose, right time, right patient, right site, right drug. The stressful thoughts are gone for now allowing me to focus on just removing the leaves on top quickly or the ones that have managed to dive deeper. 

What am I learning? Maybe nothing more than how to keep the pool clean but I think there is more to it if you dive deeper. The easy messes in life can quickly be scooped up and taken away. I don't even have to tidy them up in a neat little can. I can just lift and let go. The harder issues in life may take some diving. Some dancing. Some finesse to scoop out but they too can just be tossed over the edge into the grass for a later mowing. With both, there is an action to be done. 

If I never remove the leaves, yes the filter might take care of some but soon there would not be clear clean water to relax by. 

Hope you find your moment.